Is it possible to develop an unhealthy relationship to the church?
Actually, it is possible to develop an unhealthy relationship to a religious organization or church. This phenomenon is most common in the case of individuals who become ensnared in a religious cult, but it is also possible – and not entirely uncommon – among individuals who participate in mainline religious traditions.
Even mainline churches or their ministers are sometimes inclined to treat members as helpless or naive children rather than as mature and thoughtful adults; they assume responsibilities or make decisions for members which mature adults are capable of making on their own. The church imposes rather than proposes rules or expectations which members are expected to accept without considering their personal conscience or experience. These expectations are enforced by guilt for failing or fear of rejection. At the same time, adults who have not developed a mature sense of personal responsibility in spiritual matters may on their own surrender a measure of control to the church which the individual does not feel adequate to exercise for themselves.
An unhealthy relationship to a church or religious organization may look and feel a lot like the unhealthy attachment which emotionally immature adults may have to their parents, or the kind of co-dependence which an adult may develop in relationship with an unhealthy partner. Often individuals in such situations first deny that there is a problem, then makes excuses, begins to enable the unhealthy behavior, and may end up assuming responsibility and guilt for a partner's dysfunctional behavior. Eventually, a person in an unhealthy relationship to the church will begin to feel deceived, trapped, angry, resentful or guilty, but feel unable to express or address those feelings.
• If you feel you have or may be developing an unhealthy relationship to the church, you should visit with a professional counselor or a trusted spiritual guide. A mental health or substance abuse counselor may be able to recommend a 12-step group which supports co-dependents.
More FAQ:
> What if I don’t agree with some of the church’s teachings?
Related Links:
> Co-dependence Checklist (PDF)
> Signs of Co-dependence on Church (PDF)
> What You Can Do About Co-dependence (PDF)
> How to Form a Moral Conscience
> The Place Where You Stand is Holy Ground
> Spiritual Abuse and Abuse of Conscience/podcast
> Living in An Abusive Church You Love
> How to Tell If You ARe in an Abusive Relationship
> How to heal from spiritual abuse
> Spirituality As Radical Resistance
[Last Update: 04.12.24]