|
QUIK-PICK GUIDE TO THIS PAGE
General Guidelines
Pre-School
to Grade 1
Younger Elementary (Grades 2-4)
Older Elementary (Grades 5-8)
Adolescence (Grades 9-12)
Parents'
Guide to the Protection
of Children and Adolescents
This guide contains
information on how to address issues of sexual and physical
abuse with children at various ages. This material includes
general guidelines as well as specific information which
children and young adults need to know at different ages. The
information in this section was provided by the Archdiocese of
Dubuque’s Office of Catechetical Services. Specific ideas on
how to share this information with your child are also available
from the Archdiocese.
General Guidelines for Speaking with
Children About Sexual Abuse
• Listen and understand what your child might be thinking or feeling.
Ask them about their questions, concerns, and
issues; their issues are certainly not all the same as ours.
Try to understand what they have heard from the media, teachers
and friends. Affirm their
curiosity, questions, fear and concerns.
• Prepare yourself before you speak with your child.
Ask God for the guidance and wisdom you will
need. And, take time to honestly assess your thoughts and
feelings about child abuse. You may find it helpful to process
these thoughts and feeling with a spouse, a trusted friend,
mentor or spiritual director. It is important to know where you
are with the issue. If you are not comfortable with talking
about child /sexual abuse, find someone
who is.
• Be honest with your child.
Lack of honesty has caused some of our problems.
Secrecy may have been intended to spare both victims and
perpetrators from embarrassment, but it has led only to greater
harm in most cases. Be clear about child abuse. Lots of things
are getting jumbled in the media. It is helpful to give young
people accurate information. However, be age appropriate;
talking with Prekindergarten and Kindergarten is a whole lot
different from talking with sixth grade
students and high school students.
• Don’t blame the victim.
Talk to young people about the importance of
getting help for their friends (or for themselves) if they are
the victims of abuse. affirm the courage of victims who have
reported their abuse. Make sure conversation does not lead to
“blaming the victim.” It is wrong
to say “He’s 15, he should have known better;” or “Why did she
keep seeing him if he was abusing her? It’s her fault too.”
Children should know that the adult is always in the position of
power and is always responsible for the abuse.
• Reassure your child.
Let young people know what is being done to keep
them safe. Explain what you, their school, the community and the
church has done to keep them safe.
Your child should know these general rules for
safety:
-- Adults should always be present when there
are activities and events
for young people.
-- Adults purchase or bring for the group’s use
only things that are
appropriate for young people to
have and use.
-- The “Buddy System” which pairs one young
person with another young
person is a good safety
precaution, particularly when one must leave
the rest of the
group.
-- It is not appropriate for an adult to share a
bed with young people when
on a trip, or for a
young person to sit on an adult’s lap.
-- If a young person is uncomfortable with a
hug, then an adult should not
hug or ridicule that
person.
-- Adults should always meet with young people
in areas that are
accessible and visible.
-- Adults should carefully select volunteers in
consultation with others to
ensure the quality of
adults working with your young people.
-- It is always a safe practice to have two
adults in present.
• • •
Preschool-Grade 1
The following is information your child should know.
1. God made me special and others must respect me and I must
respect
myself.
2. We have families, friends, and a church family to help us
grow in love.
3. Safe touch makes a person feel loved and cared for. Unsafe
and
unwanted touch makes a person feel uncomfortable
and unhappy.
Unsafe and unwanted touch must be
avoided and immediately reported
to a parent or trusted
adult.
4. We show respect for ourselves and others by how we talk and
how we
act. Each person must show special
respect for the private areas of
our bodies. Areas of the body
covered by shirts and shorts are private.
5. Good choices help us be happy and bad choices on our part or
on the
part of others can cause great unhappiness.
We must make good
choices even if others are making bad
choices.
6. Small children, older children, and adults can do things or
behave in
ways that are wrong. We avoid and report bad
or wrong behaviors to
be safe.
7. Secrets are not good and can harm us. We must tell secrets to
a
trusted adult. Good games and play are fun for
each person. Bad play
is not play, it is wrong.
8. We learn to tell good friends from bad friends. Some friends
love and
help us. Other friends are not truly
friends. Good friends do not ask us
to do bad things or things that harm
us.
9. I am surrounded by people who love me and who will help me be
safe.
My parents and family members and trusted
adults in my life help to
keep me safe. If anyone ever harms
me in any way, I will find help.
10. My parents and family members and other trusted adults will
listen to
me and help me. I will make a list of
three trusted adults I can go to with
any problem in addition to my
parents and family members. My parents
and I will make this list together.
• • •
Younger Elementary -- Grades 2-4
The following is information your child should know.
1. God created me and I am unique and unrepeatable. Because I am
created in God’s image and likeness, I must give
and receive respect.
2. Our families and trusted adults and teachers work together to
help us
grow.
3. Safe touch makes a person feel loved and cared for. Unsafe or
unwanted touch makes a person feel uncomfortable
and unhappy.
Unsafe and unwanted touch must be
avoided or immediately reported
to a parent or trusted
adult.
4. We show respect for ourselves and others by how we talk and
how we
act and interact. Inappropriate
language, jokes, and actions are not
acceptable. The privacy of our
bodies may never be violated by anyone
of any age.
5. We identify good and bad choices and determine how they
affect us
and others. Sometimes other people make bad
choices that affect us,
so we must tell and get help.
6. Adults and even children sometimes engage in actions or
behaviors
that are wrong and sinful. The harmful
consequences of these actions
and behaviors can damage our
bodies, our minds, and our spirits. They
must be avoided or reported to a trusted adult.
7. Secrets can separate us from others and harms us in many
ways.
8. Games and play activities with friends should be fun and
enjoyable.
Some play and games can be wrong and
very harmful and must be
avoided and reported to a trusted
adult.
9. We must learn who is a good friend and who is not. When
people
misuse our friendship by asking us to do
something wrong, they are not
friends. It is painful to be mistreated
or misused by someone we think
is a friend. We must report
any
misuse or mistreatment to a trusted
adult.
10. Even though the world is not always a safe place, my parents and
other trusted adults will keep me safe.
While there are people who
make bad choices and who harm others, there
are good and loving
people to help me.
11. My parents and family members and other trusted adults will
listen to
me and help me. I will make a list of
three trusted adults I can go to with
any problem in addition to my
parents and family members. My parents
and I will make this list together.
• • •
Older Elementary -- Grades 5-8
The following is information your child should know.
1. We are all created in the image and likeness of God. My body
is the
temple of the Holy Spirit.
2. Our families and trusted adults and teachers share a concern
for our
safety.
3. We learn to differentiate between safe and unsafe or unwanted
touch.
We are called to chastity and we have a
responsibility to avoid and
immediately report any unwanted or
unsafe touch to a parent or other
trusted adult.
4. We show respect for ourselves and others by the way we talk,
act, and
live. We must identify respectful and
disrespectful language and
actions and avoid anyone who fails
to respect us. In particular, the
areas of our bodies covered
by shirts and shorts are private and must
not be violated.
5. God gives us the gift of free will. All actions have
consequences. We
must learn how to discern the implications of
the choices we make
every day. When we experience the bad
choices of others, we must
report the offense and get help.
6. The virtue of chastity helps us understand and identify
actions or
behaviors which are wrong or sinful. Children,
young adults must avoid
actions or experiences or behaviors
which offend against chastity.
7. Secrets can be very harmful to us physically, emotionally,
and
spiritually. Always question secret play,
secret games and determine
how the secrets can cause great harm.
8. There are many different kinds of friendship. Healthy
relationships and
friendships can help us to
understand ourselves, God and others. We
can meet false
friends who mistreat us or take advantage of our trust
and
friendship. Poor relationships and false friendships can deeply
harm us psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and
even physically.
People who manipulate or misuse our friendship
are not friends. We
must report any relationships which can be harmful to us.
9. Good communication with my parents and family members helps
keep
me safe. I can also help keep younger
siblings and others safe by
being observant and concerned.
10. My parents and family and other trusted adults will listen
to me and
help me. Make a list of three trusted adults
who will listen to me and
help me. I will make a list of the three
trusted adults I can go to with any
problem in addition to my parents
and family members. My parents and
I will make the list
together.
• • •
Adolescent -- Grades 9-12
The following is information your adolescent should know.
What is Child Abuse? Child abuse consists of sexual or physical
abuse, or a combination of sexual and physical abuse.
•
Sexual Abuse includes any act or interaction, whether or not
it involves genital or physical contact, with or without
consent, even if initiated by the child, which involves sexual
contact, molestation or sexual exploitation of a child by a
parent or any other person who has permanent or temporary care
or custody or responsibility for supervision of a child, whether
physical injuries are sustained or not, to include:
1. The intentional touching of the genitals or intimate parts,
including the
female breast, the genital area,
groin, inner thigh and buttocks of a child
or of a perpetrator by a
child for purposes of sexual arousal or
gratification.
2. Rape, sexual intercourse (vaginal or anal), oral/genital,
oral/anal
contact.
3. The intentional touching and/or displaying of one’s own
genitals or
intimate parts, including the female breast,
the genital area, groin, inner
thigh and buttocks in the presence
and view of a child for purposes of
sexual arousal or gratification.
4. Permitting, causing, encouraging or assisting in the
depiction of or
posing for viewing by any person, either in
person or by way of graphic
means, including digital or
photographic image of the partial or fully
unclothed body of a child, displaying intimate parts, in motion or not in
motion, alone or with
other persons, or the depiction of a child in
apparent observation
of sex acts by others in the child's presence.
5. Displaying or distributing to a child any picture,
photograph, book,
pamphlet, digital image, movie or
magazine, the cover or content of
which is principally made of
descriptions, or depictions of sex acts or
contact, or which
consists of pictures of nude or partially nude figures
posed or
presented in a manner which the average person applying
contemporary
community standards would find, taken as a whole,
appeals
to the prurient interest.
6. Anything otherwise deemed to be sexual abuse by the law of
the State
of Iowa.
•
Physical Abuse includes any act which:
1. Willfully causes or inflicts physical injury to a child;
2. Willfully causes mental injury or psychological injury to a
child by
intentionally engendering fear of physical
injury to that child;
3. Is otherwise deemed to be physical abuse by the laws of the
State of
Iowa. (Physical abuse does not include the appropriate physical
r
restraint of a child who is attempting to injure another person
or
him/herself, or the appropriate physical direction of a child
away from
danger or the minimum restraint necessary to place a
child in “time
out” or other appropriate limitation of movement
to promote the child's
regaining of safety and emotional
control.)
What are Ways to Protect Yourself?
[Excerpted from Sex and the Teenager Choices and Decisions by
Kieran Sawyer,
S.S.N.D, ©1999 by Ave Maria Press. Used with permission of the
publisher.]
Take precautions to limit the possibility that
you might be sexually abused. Keep the following points in mind:
1. Your body is your sacred domain. You have a right to decide
how it will
be touched and by whom. No one is ever
free to force, pressure, or
tease you into having sexual
contact of any kind.
2. Trust your own feelings. If someone’s conduct or attitude
seems
suspicious, or if you are confused, afraid, and
uncomfortable, there
may be a good reason.
3. Have a clear idea of your own sexual values, goals, and
ideals. Be
assertive in saying no if you feel you are
being pushed or pressured.
4. Don’t weaken your defenses with alcohol or any other
substance.
5. Don’t walk alone at night. Don’t hitchhike or accept rides
from
strangers.
6. Immediately leave a room if someone is there you can’t trust.
7. Don’t be alone with a date in a potentially dangerous place
like an
empty house or a parked car.
8. Refuse single dates with someone you don’t know well and
never go on
a date with someone who has the reputation
of being sexually abusive
or immoral.
9. Never accept a drink you have not poured and never set your
drink
down or leave it unattended. (Rapists
today are using powerful drugs
like Rohypnol and GHB - commonly called ruffies, roofies, and many
other street
names - to disable
females. These drugs are slipped into a person's
drink.
10. Avoid any situation you deem to be dangerous.
What to Do if You or Someone You Know has Been
Sexually Abused
If you have been abused in the past and have
never talked about it, tell someone you trust, preferably a
parent, teacher, counselor or youth minister. You may need
professional help to cope with the abuse, to put it in
perspective, and to move on to a healthier way of
relating to the world.
To report any child abuse, contact:
•
Iowa Department of Human Services Hotline.
Call toll free 1-800-362-2178
[http://www.dhs.state.ia.us/reportingchildabuse.asp]
•
Archdiocese of Dubuque’s Victim
Assistance Coordinators.
These specially trained
individuals can help you contact appropriate
professional mental health services, social service agencies, support
groups and/or
individuals who can provide spiritual care.
Call toll free 1-800-803-6758 or 1-866-319-4636.
• • •
Return to Parenting
Homepage
Posted
11.15.10
•
Last Update 05.09.11
|