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QUIK-CLICK GUIDE
What You Should Know About Divorced
Persons in the Church
What You Can and Cannot
Do
When People of Faith Divorce
Questions and Answers About
a
‘Decree of Invalidity’
Opportunities for Divorced Catholics
Resources for Divorced Catholics
[This page is under construction]
“I earnestly call upon pastors and the whole community of
the
faithful to help the divorced, and with solicitous care to make
sure that they do not consider themselves as separated from the
Church, for as baptized persons they can, and indeed must,
share in her life.”
--Pope John Paul II, Encyclical Letter
Familiaris Consortio (1981), #84.
Information for Separated
and Divorced Catholics
What You Should Know About
Divorced
Persons in the Church
Many Catholics, including separated and divorced
Catholics themselves, are confused or misinformed about the
status of divorced persons in the Catholic Church. As a result
of this confusion or misinformation, many divorced Catholics
fail to participate as fully as they can in the spiritual and
sacramental life of the Church, and many Catholic communities
fail to welcome and embrace divorced Catholics as fully as they
should.
If you are a separated or divorced Catholic, the first thing
you should know is that divorced Catholics are not
excommunicated from the Church.
• A Catholic who is divorced and not remarried is a Catholic in
good standing, and is entitled to participate fully in the
spiritual and sacramental life of the Catholic faith community.
• A Catholic who is divorced and remarried without a
Declaration of Invalidity (an annulment) is considered to
be living in an invalid marriage, but is still a member of the
Church and is entitled to participate in a limited way in the
spiritual and sacramental life of the Church.
Much of the confusion about the status of separated
and divorced persons in the Church arises from the fact that the
Catholic Church places a high value on sacramental marriage and
interprets Jesus' injunction against divorce and remarriage very
strictly (cf. Mark 10:6-12, Luke 16:18). According to Catholic
teaching, marriage is an intimate, exclusive, and permanent
partnership of a woman and a man, which exists both for the good
of the spouses and for the procreation and upbringing of
children.
The Church teaches that a
sacramentally valid marriage cannot be terminated except by
a spouse's death. According to the Catechism of the Catholic
Church, divorce is, objectively, an offense against the
natural law; it “introduces disorder into the family and into
society” and “brings grave harm to the deserted spouse [and] to
children traumatized by the separation of their parents”
(cf.#1644; 2384-85).
Although at one time divorced
Catholics were excommunicated, today the Church recognizes that,
subjectively, in some cases a married couple may have no
reasonable alternative to separation and divorce. According to
the Church's Code of Canon Law, a couple may be forced to
separate and seek a divorce when circumstances are such that
they cause “serious danger of spirit or body to the spouse or
the children, or otherwise render common life too hard” (cf.
#1153.1).
According to the U.S. Catechism for Adults,
“The Church's fidelity to Christ's teaching on marriage and
against divorce does not imply insensitivity to the pain of the
persons facing these unhappy situations. When divorce is the
only possible recourse, the Church offers her support to those
involved and encourages them to remain close to the Lord through
frequent reception of the Sacraments, especially the Holy
Eucharist. In the case of those who have divorced civilly and
remarried, even though the Church considers the second marriage
invalid, she does not want these Catholics to be alienated from
her.” (# II.21).
In their Pastoral Message to Families, Follow the Way of
Love, the U.S. bishops assured divorced persons that
“relationships
and circumstances within your family may have changed, but God's
love for you is ever present and does not come to an end."
"There is a home for you within our parishes and communities of
faith,” the bishops wrote.
______________________________________________________________________
What You Can
and Cannot
Do in the Church
Catholics who are separated or divorced but not
remarried are full members of the Catholic church. They are
free to participate fully in the life of the Catholic community.
If you are divorced but not remarried, you may...
• attend Eucharist and receive Holy Communion.
• celebrate the other sacraments (except Marriage or Holy
Orders).
• serve as
baptism sponsors (Godparents), Confirmation sponsors or
witnesses to Christian marriage.
• serve as liturgical ministers, such as lector, extraordinary
communion
minister, hospitality minister (usher), and musical
ministries.
• hold leadership positions on the pastoral council or parish
committees
and boards
• serve as catechists in religious education programs or
as teachers in
Catholic schools
• have
your children baptized and enroll them
in Catholic schools or religious
education programs.
• •
•
Catholics who are separated or divorced and whose
previous marriage has been annulled by a Declaration of
Invalidity are free to celebrate the sacrament of Marriage or Holy Orders.
• •
•
Non-Catholics who are legally separated or divorced
may not be baptized or make a profession of faith in the
Catholic Church until their previous marriage has been annulled
by a Declaration of Invalidity.
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When People of Faith
Divorce
Divorce is a traumatic personal experience under any
circumstances. It is all the more difficult when it is
unexpected or unwanted, if children are involved, or if the
partners are people of faith who took seriously their commitment
to be faithful “for better or worse...until death do us part.”
Divorce shatters dreams and destroys expectations; in many
cases it destroys in a seemingly short time what a couple has
worked years to create and maintain. The wrenching personal
tragedy of divorce creates a wide variety of powerful emotions,
including anger, fear, rejection and guilt. In addition to all
of the new personal and practical challenges which accompany
this experience, a divorce often raises serious issues of
self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem.
For people of faith, a divorce may also raise serious
questions of a spiritual nature: doubts about God’s
faithfulness, the value of religious faith, the efficacy of
prayer, or the sincerity of the church community. While some
individuals find comfort and courage in their religious
convictions following a divorce, others feel betrayed by their
faith or the church and are tempted to abandon it.
If you are a person of faith confronting the devastating
results of a current or past divorce, remember that faith is
never a guarantee that bad things will not happen, even though
we are sometimes taught to believe that; rather, faith is the
conviction that all will eventually be well, no matter what
happens. In fact, faith is what allows us to respond with
determination and hope to painful, inexplicable and undeserved
personal tragedies like divorce.
If you are a person of faith who is struggling spiritually
because of a divorce, here are some general suggestions which
you might find helpful:
•
Continue to pray, even if it means changing when, how or why you
pray.
In the immediate aftermath of a traumatic experience, many
people lose the will or the ability to actually “say” prayers.
This is a time for developing a new way to pray by sitting quietly and letting God speak to you.
Be attentive the various ways, occasions, and circumstances in
which you might be hearing God's voice for the first time. Some
people keep a journal during such times to record thoughts,
feelings and impressions which might reveal God's presence and
direction in your life. Others discover the value of joining a
prayer group or using a prescribed form of prayer such as the
daily Liturgy of the Hours.
•
Continue to participate as fully as possible in the spiritual
and sacramental life of the faith community, even if it means
finding a new parish where you are comfortable.
In some cases, divorced persons find it difficult
to remain actively involved in a parish community if they feel
other Catholics are judging them for their marital "failure."
In other cases, divorced persons find it difficult to feel at home in a faith
community where people around them seem completely unaware, or
unmoved, by their personal suffering. It is helpful
to remember in either case that most members of the faith
community have (or eventually will)
suffer painful disappointments, losses and failures in their own lives.
They may be unsure of what to say or do to acknowledge your
personal situation, but their continued presence in the faith community is a reminder
that we too will survive the devastating trauma of divorce.
•
Continue to value your association with the Catholic Church,
even if it means altering your perception of Church
authority.
At
some level, most of us think of the institutional Church as a
kind of "super parent." We expect Church
authorities to enforce church rules and punish people who break
them, but we resent authority when it interferes
with our personal freedom. Although
divorced Catholics may feel that they are being unfairly
penalized by Church authorities (or, on the other hand, that
an ex-spouse is not being sufficiently punished), it may be
helpful to remember that it is the Church's responsibility
to hold out to us behavior which most fully reflects the
ideals of the Gospel. At the same time, Church authorities
realize that we are all human, and sinful, and we all fall short
of Gospel ideals in many aspects of our life. As Pope John XXIII
said,
"Nowadays,...the Spouse of Christ prefers to make use of the
medicine of mercy rather than that of severity. She consider
that she meets the needs of the present day by demonstrating the
validity of her teaching rather than by condemnations....
[T]he Catholic Church... desires to show herself to be the
loving mother of all, benign, patient, full of mercy and
goodness..." [Opening Address to the Second Vatican Council,
1962].
•
Continue to seek the support and advice of good friends, a
trusted personal confidant, or a wise spiritual director, even
if it means stepping outside your normal
‘comfort
zone.’
No one knows the pain of divorce better than people who have
experienced divorce, so individuals or support groups of divorce
survivors are an important and valuable resource. So are good
friends, although they may sometimes feel torn by conflicting
loyalties if they were friends of both spouses. If you are
troubled about spiritual questions related to your divorce, it
is helpful to find and consult a spiritual director, pastor or
pastoral staff person in whom you can confide.
Although divorce may change your understanding of faith, your
relationship to God, or your relationship to the faith
community, the Church, it can become an opportunity for an even
deeper, more enduring spiritual life. As in most matters
related to faith, the real challenge is to learn to grow.
______________________________________________________________________
Questions and Answers About
a ‘Decree of Invalidity’
What is a ‘Decree of Invalidity’?
A Decree of Invalidity is the official name for what
many Catholics commonly call an
“annulment.”
The Decree of Invalidity declares that in a particular marriage an element essential to sacramental marriage was missing at the time of consent
(ie, at the time of marriage). Because of this defect the marriage in
question was never actually a marriage as understood by Church
law. As a result, the persons who
were parties to the initial bond are free to marry in the
Catholic Church.
A Decree of Invalidity does not claim that there never
was a civil marriage. It does not assume ill will on the part of either party
when they entered marriage and does not declare who is
to blame or who is at fault for a defect which renders a
marriage invalid. It does not in any way affect the status
of children born during the marriage.
What Are Grounds for
a Decree of Invalidity?
Some marriages may be declared invalid because one
or both partners did not follow Church law in
attempting to marry. Such cases would include a
Catholic who, without approval, enters a marriage
that is not witnessed by a priest or deacon, or a person who
enters marriage with a partner who was previously married and
was not free to marry.
In other cases, a presumably valid marriage must be proven
invalid due to the absence of certain necessary qualities in one
or both partners. The
“grounds”
(or reasons) for invalidity include:
•
Lack of Discretion.
One or both partners may have failed to exercise sufficient
discretion, foresight or judgment due to inexperience, youth,
immaturity or pressure at the time of marriage.
•
Inability to Assume the Obligations of Marriage.
One or both
partners may not have been able to assume the obligations and
responsibilities of marriage due to psychological problems,
chemical dependency, serious personality disorders or mental
illness.
• An Attempt to
Deceive (“Simulation”
).
One or both
partners may have entered the marriage without honestly
intending to honor the expectations of
fidelity, permanence, right to children, or to marry as the
church understands marriage.
•
Misunderstanding or Error. One or both partners may
not have fully understood how the Catholic Church understands
marriage, or may have misunderstood their own or their partner's
ability to live that kind of marriage.
•
Lack
of Freedom. One or both partners may have been unable
to exercise the personal freedom necessary to enter into
marriage due to conditions such as force, grave fear, or fraud
at the time of marriage.
How Does One Obtain a
Decree of Invalidity?
1) The
process leading up to a Decree of Invalidity begins when a
Petitioner (the person who requests the Decree) visits with a
parish minister and explains why he or she thinks there is reason
for a declaration of invalidity. The parish minister will help
the Petitioner complete the Petition, which contains
background information and a brief description of the reasons
for a declaration of invalidity. This Petition is submitted it to the
Tribunal, a church court at the diocesan level.
2)
If the
Tribunal determines that it has judicial competence to hear the
case, it notifies the Petitioner and the former spouse (the
Respondent) that the petition has been accepted. (As a matter of justice, Church law provides that
the Respondent has a right to be informed and to participate in
each step of the process.) ........................................
3)
The parish minister
helps the Petitioner prepare his/her Testimony, which is in the
form of a questionnaire. The Respondent is asked to complete a
similar questionnaire with the assistance of a parish minister
in his/her geographical area. Each party is asked to name at
least three Witnesses who knew them before or at the time
the wedding took place. The Tribunal contacts these witnesses
by mail when the case is ready for active consideration. The
Tribunal may also request records of counseling or treatment for
mental or emotional problems or chemical dependency.
4) When
all evidence is collected, the Defender of the Bond gives
an opinion on whether there is enough evidence and whether the
proper procedures have been followed; a Judge studies the
evidence, makes a decision and writes a Sentence. A
Decree of Invalidity granted by the First Instance Court
must be reviewed by a Second Instance Court in another
diocese before it takes effect.
5) When the Decree of Invalidity is approved,
the Petitioner and the Respondent are notified; so are the
churches where the partners were baptized and the church where the marriage took
place.
When Should You Petition for a Decree of Invalidity?
It is not possible to petition for a Decree of Invalidity until
a civil divorce has been finalized. After that, it depends
upon the individual(s) involved.
Some persons choose
to petition for a Decree relatively soon after the divorce.
This is helpful because witnesses are more readily available and
because the process of obtaining a Decree can be part of the
individual's healing process. In some cases, a Decree of
Invalidity brings closure to the previous marriage and enables
an individual to "move on."
Other persons prefer to wait until the pain of the divorce
experience subsides and/or they are interested in the
possibility of remarriage. There are two dangers to
waiting too long: one is that witnesses to the first marriage may
be more difficult to contact or may have more difficulty
remembering information which would favor the Decree; the second is the possibility that
re-marriage will have to be postponed until the Decree process
is completed.
What Is the Cost of a
Decree of Invalidity?
The present cost for a full formal case in the Archdiocese of Dubuque is
currently $400.00. This amount represents only a portion of the
full costs of processing each case.
The Petitioner is responsible for the fees involved in a
Petition for a Decree of Invalidity. If a professional
evaluation is required, an additional fee is assigned to the
party for whom it is required. However, no person is ever denied the
services of the Tribunal for lack of their ability to pay and ability to pay in no way affects the outcome of the case.
What Effect Does a Decree
Have on the Children?
The Decree of Invalidity
addresses the sacramental
nature of the marriage, not its status under civil law, so the legal status of
children is not affected by a Decree of Invalidity. Church
law specifically protects the rights and status of children.
______________________________________________________________________
Opportunities for
Divorced Catholics
Divorce and Beyond
Divorce and Beyond is a ten-week recovery program for divorced Catholics
who want to gain a perspective on their divorce, cope with the
emotions involved in divorce, and move on in a constructive way
with their lives. Each session consists of an opportunity to
share, a reading and discussion based on the book Divorce and
Beyond. A ten-week series is
offered each fall and spring in the Waterloo/Cedar Falls metro
area.
Click here for more information about
Divorce and Beyond
Beginning
Experience Weekend
The Beginning Experience Weekend is
a three-day retreat designed for any divorced,
widowed or separated person who has passed through the initial
stages of anger and loss and is ready to make a new beginning.
This is a reflective, prayerful and supportive experience for
individuals of any age or faith.
For more information and registration contact
Archdiocese of Dubuque Family Life Office
at 800-876-3546
Current Schedule of Beginning Experience Weekends:
November 14-16, 2008 at Shalom Retreat Center, Dubuque
March 27-29, 2009 at Shalom Retreat Center in Dubuque
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Resources for
Divorced Catholics
Click here for a list
of resources for Divorced Catholics
Posted
05.12.08
• Last Update 08.26.08
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