|
QUIK-CLICK GUIDE TO THIS
PAGE
What You Should Know About Divorced
Persons in the Church
What You May and May Not
Do
When People of Faith Divorce
Questions and Answers About
a
‘Decree of Invalidity’
Opportunities for Divorced Catholics
Resources for Divorced Catholics
How We Can
Help
“I earnestly call upon pastors and the whole community of
the
faithful to help the divorced, and with solicitous care to make
sure that they do not consider themselves as separated from the
Church, for as baptized persons they can, and indeed must,
share in her life.”
--Pope John Paul II, Encyclical Letter
Familiaris Consortio (1981), #84.
Information for Separated
and Divorced Catholics
What You Should Know About
Divorced
Persons in the Church
Many Catholics, including separated and divorced
Catholics themselves, are confused or misinformed about the
status of divorced persons in the Catholic Church. As a result
of this confusion or misinformation, many divorced Catholics
fail to participate as fully as they can in the spiritual and
sacramental life of the Church, and many Catholic communities
fail to welcome and embrace divorced Catholics as fully as they
should.
If you are a separated or divorced Catholic, the first thing
you should know is that divorced Catholics are not
excommunicated from the Church.
• A Catholic who is divorced and not remarried is a Catholic in
good standing, and is entitled to participate fully in the
spiritual and sacramental life of the Catholic faith community.
• A Catholic who is divorced and remarried without a
Declaration of Invalidity (an annulment) is still a member of the
Church and is entitled to participate in a limited way in the
spiritual and sacramental life of the Church.
Much of the confusion about the status of separated
and divorced persons in the Church arises from the fact that the
Catholic Church places a high value on sacramental marriage and
interprets Jesus' injunction against divorce and remarriage very
strictly (cf. Mark 10:6-12, Luke 16:18). According to Catholic
teaching, marriage is an intimate, exclusive, and permanent
partnership of a woman and a man, which exists both for the good
of the spouses and for the procreation and upbringing of
children.
The Church teaches that a
sacramentally valid marriage cannot be terminated except by
a spouse's death. According to the Catechism of the Catholic
Church, divorce is, objectively, an offense against the
natural law; it “introduces disorder into the family and into
society” and “brings grave harm to the deserted spouse [and] to
children traumatized by the separation of their parents”
(cf.#1644; 2384-85).
Although at one time divorced
Catholics were excommunicated, today the Church recognizes that,
subjectively, in some cases a married couple may have no
reasonable alternative to separation and divorce. According to
the Church's Code of Canon Law, a couple may be forced to
separate and seek a divorce when circumstances are such that
they cause “serious danger of spirit or body to the spouse or
the children, or otherwise render common life too hard” (cf.
#1153.1).
According to the U.S. Catechism for Adults,
“The Church's fidelity to Christ's teaching on marriage and
against divorce does not imply insensitivity to the pain of the
persons facing these unhappy situations. When divorce is the
only possible recourse, the Church offers her support to those
involved and encourages them to remain close to the Lord through
frequent reception of the Sacraments, especially the Holy
Eucharist. In the case of those who have divorced civilly and
remarried, even though the Church considers the second marriage
invalid, she does not want these Catholics to be alienated from
her.” (# II.21).
In their Pastoral Message to Families, Follow the Way of
Love, the U.S. bishops assured divorced persons that
“relationships
and circumstances within your family may have changed, but God's
love for you is ever present and does not come to an end."
"There is a home for you within our parishes and communities of
faith,” the bishops wrote.
_______________________________________
What You May
and May Not
Do As a
Divorced Person in
the Catholic Church
The
following guidelines apply as a general rule. If you are a
divorced Catholic you should talk with a pastor or pastoral
minister about your specific circumstances.
Catholics who are separated or divorced but not
remarried are members in good standing of the Catholic church. They are
free to participate fully in the life of the Catholic faith community.
For example, if you are divorced but not remarried, you may...
• attend
Eucharist and receive Holy Communion unless otherwise impaired by
mortal sin.
• celebrate the other sacraments (except Marriage or Holy
Orders).
• have a
Catholic funeral and be buried in a Catholic cemetery.
• serve as
a baptism sponsor (Godparent), Confirmation sponsor or as an official
witness to Christian marriage.
• serve as
a liturgical minister, such as lector, extraordinary
communion minister,
hospitality minister, musician or cantor.
• hold leadership positions on the pastoral council or parish
committees and
boards.
• have
your children baptized and enroll them
in a Catholic school or religious
education program.
• serve as a catechist in a religious education program or
as a teacher in a
Catholic school.
• •
•
Catholics who are divorced and whose
previous marriage has been annulled by a Declaration of
Invalidity are free to celebrate the sacrament of Marriage or Holy Orders.
• •
•
Catholics who are
divorced and remarried, and whose previous marriage has not
been annulled by a Decree of
Invalidity, are considered members of the Church living in an
irregular (or invalid) marriage. They are free to
participate in some but not all aspects of the Catholic faith
community.
For example, if you are divorced and
remarried without a Decree of Invalidity,
you may...
• attend Mass, but not receive Holy Communion.
• participate in communal celebrations of Reconciliation and,
if you wish, visit
privately with a priest in Confession about your spiritual life or your status
in the
Church, but not receive absolution.
• celebrate the Sacrament of
Anointing of the Sick when in danger of death.
• have a Catholic funeral and be buried in a Catholic cemetery.
• participate in the public
spiritual and social life of the parish, but not serve in
public ministries or leadership positions.
• have your children baptized and enrolled in Catholic school or
religious education
program.
• serve as an official witness
at a Catholic marriage, but not as a catechist,
teacher, baptism sponsor (Godparent) or Confirmation sponsor.
• •
•
Non-Catholics who are divorced
and remarried without a Decree of Invalidity may enroll in the Rites of Christian Initiation or Reception,
but may not be baptized or make a profession of faith in the
Catholic Church until their previous marriage has been annulled
by a Declaration of Invalidity.
_______________________________________
When People of Faith
Divorce
Divorce is a traumatic personal experience under any
circumstances. It is all the more difficult when it is
unexpected or unwanted, if children are involved, or if the
partners are people of faith who took seriously their commitment
to be faithful “for better or worse...until death do us part.”
Divorce shatters dreams and betrays expectations; in many
cases it destroys in a seemingly short time what a couple has
worked years to establish and maintain. The wrenching personal
tragedy of divorce creates a wide variety of powerful and
sometimes conflicting emotions,
including relief, anger, fear, and guilt. In addition to
the practical challenges which accompany
a divorce, the apparent failure of a marriage often raises serious issues of
self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem.
For people of faith, a divorce may also raise serious
questions of a spiritual nature: doubts about God’s
faithfulness, the value of religious faith, the efficacy of
prayer, or the sincerity of the church community. While some
individuals find comfort and courage in their religious
convictions following a divorce, others feel betrayed or
embarrassed by their
faith or the church and some are tempted to abandon active
participation in a faith community.
If you are a person of faith confronting the devastating
results of a current or past divorce, remember that faith is
never a guarantee that bad things will not happen, even though
we are sometimes taught to believe that it is. In fact, faith is the
conviction that all will eventually be well, no matter what
happens. Faith is what enables us to respond with
determination and hope when we experience painful, inexplicable and unwelcome
personal tragedies like divorce.
If you are a person of faith who is struggling
spiritually because of a divorce, here are
some general suggestions which you might find helpful:
•
Continue to pray, even if it means changing when, how or why you
pray.
In the immediate aftermath of a traumatic experience, many
people lose the will or the ability to actually “say” prayers.
This is a time for developing a new way to pray by sitting quietly and letting God speak to you.
Be attentive the various ways, occasions, and circumstances in
which you might be hearing God's voice for the first time. Some
people keep a journal during difficult times to record thoughts,
feelings and impressions which might reveal God's presence and
direction in their lives. Others discover the value of joining a
prayer group or using a prescribed form of prayer such as the
daily Liturgy of the Hours, the rosary or centering
prayer.
•
Continue to participate as fully as possible in the spiritual
and sacramental life of the faith community, even if it means
finding a new parish where you are comfortable.
In some cases, divorced persons find it difficult
to remain actively involved in a parish community if they feel
other Catholics are judging them for their marital "failure."
In other cases, divorced persons find it difficult to feel at home in a faith
community where people around them seem completely unaware or
unconcerned about their personal suffering. It is helpful
to remember in either case that most members of the faith
community have (or eventually will)
suffer painful disappointments, losses and failures in their own lives.
They may be unsure of what to say or do to acknowledge your
personal situation, but their continued presence in the faith community is a reminder
that our shared faith helps all of us survive devastating traumas
like divorce.
•
Continue to value your association with the Catholic Church,
even if it means altering your perception of Church
authority.
At
some level, most of us think of the institutional Church as a
kind of "super parent." We expect Church
authorities to enforce church rules and punish people who break
them, but we resent authority when it seems unresponsive to our
personal situation. Although
divorced Catholics may feel that they are being unfairly
penalized by Church authorities (or, on the other hand, that
an ex-spouse is not being sufficiently punished), it may be
helpful to remember that it is the Church's responsibility
to hold out to us behavior which most fully reflects the
ideals of the Gospel. At the same time, Church authorities
realize that we are all human, and sinful, and we all fall short
of Gospel ideals in many aspects of our life. As Pope John XXIII
said,
"Nowadays,...the Spouse of Christ prefers to make use of the
medicine of mercy rather than that of severity. She considers
that she meets the needs of the present day by demonstrating the
validity of her teaching rather than by condemnations....
[T]he Catholic Church... desires to show herself to be the
loving mother of all, benign, patient, full of mercy and
goodness..." [Opening Address to the Second Vatican Council,
1962].
•
Continue to seek the support and advice of good friends, a
trusted personal confidant, or a wise spiritual director, even
if it means stepping outside your normal
‘comfort
zone.’
No one knows the pain of divorce better than people who have
experienced divorce, so individuals or support groups of divorce
survivors are an important and valuable resource. So are good
friends, although they may sometimes feel torn by conflicting
loyalties and reluctant to help if they were friends of both spouses. If you are
troubled about spiritual questions related to your marriage or divorce, it
is important to find a spiritual director, pastor or
pastoral staff person in whom you can confide and whose advice
you trust.
Although divorce may change your understanding of faith, your
relationship to God, or your relationship to the Church, it can become an opportunity for an even
deeper, more enduring spiritual life. As in most matters
related to faith, the real challenge is to
learn to grow.
_______________________________________
Questions and Answers About
a ‘Decree of Invalidity’
A Decree of Invalidity is the official name for what
Catholics in the past commonly called an
“annulment.”
Click here
for more information about Decrees of Invalidity
_______________________________________
Opportunities for
Divorced Catholics
Divorce and Beyond
Divorce and Beyond is a ten-week recovery program for divorced Catholics
who want to gain a perspective on their divorce, cope with the
emotions involved in divorce, and move on in a constructive way
with their lives. Each session consists of an opportunity to
share, a reading and discussion based on the book Divorce and
Beyond. A ten-week series is
offered each fall and spring in the Waterloo/Cedar Falls metro
area.
Click here for more information about
Divorce and Beyond
Beginning
Experience Weekend
The Beginning Experience Weekend is
a three-day retreat designed for any divorced,
widowed or separated person who has passed through the initial
stages of anger and loss and is ready to make a new beginning.
This is a reflective, prayerful and supportive experience for
individuals of any age or faith.
For more information and registration contact
Archdiocese of Dubuque Family Life Office
at 800-876-3546
_______________________________________
Resources for
Divorced Catholics
Click here
for a list of resources for Divorced Catholics
_______________________________________
How We Can Help
The Catholic
Parishes in Waterloo are eager to encourage and support our
sisters and brothers who are separated, divorced or remarried.
We offer a variety of
opportunities for Catholics who are seeking spiritual and
emotional healing following a divorce and for those interested
in participating as fully as possible in the spiritual and
sacramental life of the Catholic faith community. These include:
•
An opportunity to
explore the possibility of seeking a Decree of Invalidity.
•
Private spiritual or
personal counseling.
•
Listening sessions
and a faith-sharing group for inactive, alienated and
discouraged Catholics.
•
Continuing
opportunities for adult faith formation, education and spiritual
growth.
•
Special opportunities
for faith formation, education and spiritual growth for
divorced Catholics, including Divorce and Beyond, Beginning Experience
Weekends, and Friends in Faith
singles ministry.
If you or someone you
know is a divorced Catholics who is interested in discussing
their relationship to, or participation in, the Catholic Church,
contact the parish staff or:
Director of Adult
Faith Formation
320 Mulberry St., Waterloo IA 50703 • Phone:
319-234-9912
email: DBQ208s3@arch.pvt.k12.ia.us
Posted
05.12.08
• Last Update 02.28.10
|