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How to Assess Your Relationship
to the Catholic Church
Our relationship to the
Church is not unlike other
personal relationships.
In a healthy personal relationship
we have certain expectations of the relationship and our
partner. They, in turn, have certain expectations of us.
When a relationship breaks down, it is usually because our
partner has failed to meet some or all of our expectations or
because we are unable or unwilling to meet all of our partner's
expectations.
For example,
We expect a relationship to be...
__ mutual
__ fair
__ honest
__ safe
__ challenging (in a positive way)
__ life-giving
(you may add other expectations
here:)
__
__
__
We expect our partner to be...
__ truthful
__ respectful
__ appreciative
__ attentive
__ responsive
__ helpful
__ caring
__ affirming
__ committed
__ faithful
__ loyal
__ understanding
__ accepting
__ forgiving
__ accountable
__ responsible
(you may add other expectations here:)
__
__
__
In our relationship to the Church,
we have similar expectations which we expect the Church to
fulfill. A breakdown in our relationship to Church occurs when
we perceive that the Church or its representatives is not
fulfilling those expectations. In assessing our relationship to
the Church, it is helpful to identify which of our expectations
the Church does not meet. This is something we identify at the
feelings level. It is not first of all a matter of facts
or truth, but our perception of what has happened.
However, you may find it helpful to invite a trusted friend or
spiritual guide to help you conduct this assessment.
The following steps may help you
develop further insight into your relationship with the Church:
a) Use the lists above to assess which expectations are important to you
in
your relationship to the Church.
(Note that some of your expectations may be more important
in your
relationship to the Church than others.)
b) Identify which of your expectations the Church does and does
not fulfill.
(If you wish, use a simple coding system, marking each
expectation on a scale
of 0 [complete failure] to 5 [complete fulfillment].)
c) If you can, identify examples of the way in which the Church
does or does not
fulfill these expectations.
At this point, you have a basic understanding of the
strengths and weaknesses of your relationship to the Catholic
Church. You may expand your understanding of that
relationship by taking these additional steps:
d) Consider the possibility that some of your expectations may
be unrealistic.
(Sometimes in relationships we project unrealistic
expectations on a partner
because our personal needs are greater than any partner, even
the Church, can
reasonably fulfill.)
e) Consider the possibility that some of your evaluations may be
unfair.
(It is always possible in relationships that we over-estimate
the negative and
under-estimate the positive.)
f) Identify which expectations the Church has of you which you may not
be able
or willing to fulfill.
(In some cases, our relationship suffers because we resent
the expectations
which our partner has of us -- expectations which we are
either unable or
unwilling to fulfill.)
g)
Consider how well another church
will be able to fulfill your expectations, and
what expectations that church may have of you.
This process helps us examine our relationship
to the Church in a broader perspective. It helps us
identify more clearly why our relationship to the Church may be damaged or
broken.
Just as in any other personal relationship, the knowledge
and insight you gain may help you repair or rebuild the
relationship, or it may simply confirm that the relationship
cannot be reclaimed at the present time.
In either case, it should help you to move on with greater
serenity; it may help you be more intentional about what you seek in
your relationship to the Catholic Church or in your relationship
to another church.
[Copyright Protected/Dave Cushing]
Posted 12.18.07
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Last Update 05.29.10
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